Disclaimer: I believe all young couples should get premarital counseling--especially if it is consistent with their faith and if it will equip them with the tools they need to survive the difficulties of married life.
That was NOT our experience. Counseling was one of the worst experiences of our lives. Counseling, for us, was an excruciating experience where a university counselor/psychological quack tried to destroy our relationship.
The man started out by trying to attack and destroy one of us while being buddy-buddy with the other. This approach might have worked. However, the guy made a very wrong choice in which of the engaged to attack. You see, my soon-to-be bride had the stronger character. She was capable of withstanding the attack.
This experience made us both angry for a time. It's a big part of the reason I've never been charitably inclined toward my alma mater. I probably won't push my kid to go there and I really want her to have a high-quality Christian education--yes, this happened at a fantastic Christian university.
Ironically, his chief point of argument with me was "You won't make it 20 years." Maybe he was right. But we don't have to make it 20 years--just another two months. I've been with her for 20 years because she's the love of my life and I adore her now more than ever. If we happen to prove one quack wrong along the way, fine. He'll never even know anyway.
If, perhaps, the man had uttered one encouraging word or given us at least one tool with which to develop a marriage relationship it might have been so much more beneficial to all parties involved.
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2 comments:
I had no idea. I thought you went to NO for counseling.
We did go there to meet with the McAnultys. In order to start planning the wedding, not for counseling. Anyway, it was more effective counseling in spite of that.
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